Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
