are you still at the devil's house?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
