She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
