that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
