and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you inspire me to be a worse person
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your penis caused this!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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