I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
