First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
