I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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