A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
