You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
