I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
