Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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