I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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