Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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