when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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