Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
