Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
