and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
