Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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