wanna go halves on a baby?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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