What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
