On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
