hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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