I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
