In the future we'll all be gay
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I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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