That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
