What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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