Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize