Can i not drive my cunt home
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh god it's open bar.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
