her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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