dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
