If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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