Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
