first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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