Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
