i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
