You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
