He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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