I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
