Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
