tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
