try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
