He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
