actually, I'm a sock model
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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