And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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