sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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