it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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