Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
