Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
