People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
