so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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