I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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