If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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