i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
