This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
