I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
