so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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