i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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