i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
