I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
