Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
