the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
