I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
