Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
