I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize