This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
