I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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