he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
two words...techno handjob
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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