I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
