masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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