You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
