we have officially lost it.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
