Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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