Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
