so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
