I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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