I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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