My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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