and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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