Quick, to the slutcave!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
